Anything less than world-historical greatness (and perhaps even that) is seen as failure, that is, pathetic mediocrity. Depression is characterised by contempt for oneself, when one does not (cannot) meet one's own expectations. Grandiosity is characterised by contempt for others (who have not, as a casual example, read as many books or displayed as brilliant intellectual and artistic accomplishments). Both these manifestations can be traced back to a failure to express one's true self and an idealisation of a false-self instilled by parental desires, pride, ambition, vicarious status-seeking etc. Depression strikes when they realise they will never achieve as much as "necessary" to support their ego, or that all achievements are empty. Grandiosity arises as a person feels their achievements render them superior to everyone else. The twin manifestations of narcissism are grandiosity and depression. Narcissus did not fall in love with himself, but with a false reflection of himself. This narcissism is an internalisation of the great expectations of one's parents, the consequent lasting feelings of inadequacy and drive to greater and greater successes (that leave one hollow). Here narcissistic is used not in the broad sense of vain, being in love with yourself etc. As other reviewers note, "gifted" in this context does not refer necessarily to academic or artistic gifts (though these are common in the patient group Miller describes), rather a kind of emotional sensitivity.īriefly, Miller describes the narcissistic personality disturbance. Not the facile pop-psychology I was expecting, rather a book with some penetrating insights. She died in April 14th 2010 in Saint-Rémy de Provence, France. Her most recent book, Pictures of My Life, was published in 2006 an informal autobiography in which the writer explores her emotional process from painful childhood, through the development of her theories and later insights, told via the display and discussion of 66 of her original paintings, painted in the years 1973 to 2005. She has continued to write and lecture on psychological issues. In 1979, she stopped practicing as a psychoanalyst after having studied and practiced psychoanalysis for 20 years and became critical of both Freud and Carl Jung. Miller extended trauma model to include all forms of child abuse, including those that were commonly accepted (such as spanking), which she called poisonous pedagogy, a non-literal translation of Katharina Rutschky's Schwarze Pädagogik (black or dark pedagogy)ĭrawing upon the work of psychohistory, Miller analyzed writers Virginia Woolf, Franz Kafka and others to find links between their childhood traumas and the course and outcome of their lives. However, by the time her fourth book was published, she no longer believed that psychoanalysis was viable in any respect. Her first three books originated from research she took upon herself as a response to what she felt were major blind spots in her field. For the next 20 years Miller studied and practiced psychoanalysis. In 1953 she gained her doctorate in philosophy, psychology and sociology at University of Basel in Switzerland. Miller was born in Poland and as young woman lived in Warsaw where she survived World War II. In her books she departed from psychoanalysis charging it with being similar to the poisonous pedagogies, which she described in For Your Own Good. Psychologist and world renowned author, who is noted for her books on child abuse, translated in several languages. Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database. The Drama of the Gifted Child helps us to reclaim our life by discovering our own crucial needs and our own truth. Without this 'gift' offered us by nature, we would not have survived." But merely surviving is not enough. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb. Why are many of the most successful people plagued by feelings of emptiness and alienation? This wise and profound book has provided millions of readers with an answer-and has helped them to apply it to their own lives.įar too many of us had to learn as children to hide our own feelings, needs, and memories skillfully in order to meet our parents' expectations and win their "love." Alice Miller writes, "When I used the word 'gifted' in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. The bestselling book on childhood trauma and the enduring effects of repressed anger and pain
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